Christmas show!!!

[Not So] Cruel Summer

Well friends it has been an interesting summer to say the least, and as the bears gear up to ultimately let me down in a way only the cubs have done before, I must say I look forward to the fall. It is no secret that I love everything Autumnal, and that I think it is a magical time when Nature decides to call last call, before tucking it in for the big winter sleep.There is something about the end of summer that never ceases to capture my heart. Flannel blankets, crisp air, network programming, high school football games, a soft hand clasping yours as you walk slowly and watch the leaves change color. Screw California, and Mexico, my heart lives where there are falling leaves.

This one goes out to the one I love

I am growing to resent my child. Before you flat out judge me hear me out. Last night I watched Vicky Christina Barcelona, and I was inspired. Not to have a three way with Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johanson, Hell let's face it even the guy was sexy. No I was inspired to create to write poetry again, to write anything again. As I watched the movie I couldn't help but notice what wasn't there. What was missing. For starters no one involved in story had a job. This is a huge hindrance to creativity. It is one thing to have a job and not need one, but another thing entirely to rely upon a job for your survival. Secondly, no one had any children. This was the kicker. I remember thinking how wonderful it would be to paint an amazing picture, or write the next great American novel, and then immediately thinking but who would watch Vaughn. These are days that try men's souls, the dull drum and mundane choking the beautiful life out of your once inspired lungs. Even as I write this I am being summoned to bed because it is in fact "bedtime". There was a time, long ago when the wee hours were my time. While the working world lay asleep in their beds having nightmares about foreclosures, I would write prose to the flickering candle light, too inspired, too afraid to fall asleep. Now I must go to bed because come early morning I will be cooking breakfast and waiting hand and foot on my master, my two year old son. Don't misunderstand me I love my son dearly, he is my life. But as the movie states the most romantic love is love that is unfulfilled.

A tale of two restaurants

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.
I am in the process of being considered for a promotion at my job. Naturally I am excited and flattered to even be considered for the job, but with that excitement comes a natural pause, a beat if you will. So here's the story, The owners of the restaurant that I work at recently opened a new place not too far away from the original. The two places are able to coexist in the same proximity because they are diametrically opposed to one another. One is a fine dining restaurant that has a beautiful dinner and bar menu. The clientèle is amazing, and the infrastructure has been perfected over the last three years. Everything is mellow, methodical, and we take pride in cultivating an atmosphere of relaxation and warmth. Josef is a great place to work, with fantastic people. As for the other place, well... The other place is brand new and has had it's bumps and scrapes. This is not unusual in the restaurant business, in fact I am told that Josef was not always a walk in the park (I was not there in the beginning, so I don't know first hand). There is no one single vision for the new place. I would describe it as Occam's worst nightmare. The menu is pretty extensive, and there are no reservations. The experience is all over the place, for example; one could eat eggs Benedict at 11pm while nibbling on a gourmet pizza, listening to 90's rock and drinking a jagerbomb. Every time I work there my head spins! Not because it's fast paced (although it is), but mostly I feel like I'm wearing rain boots, snowpants, a wife beater and a fedora. So I may soon be privileged with the task of overseeing things at this establishment. Where do I begin? The owners are truly brilliant and creative people (being jewish that is not easy to say about an Austrian), I just feel like they have overextended themselves in concept. I will keep you informed as this progresses, as I know you wait with baited breath.

Honey do lists

My wife and I went to family counseling after being married for about a year and a half. The lady was a sweet older lady who accomplished almost nothing in our dozen or so sessions. I say almost because she did touch upon something that to this day years later my wife still dangles above my balding half-Jewish head. The lady mentioned that I may have attention problems (I did not have the heart to explain to her that I don't give a shit about mundane tasks), and she suggested that I might function better with a "list". Since she suggested that everyday I wake up to a dry erase board with words on it like dishes, carpet clean, assemble shelving, create the world in seven days etc. If I am completely honest with you, which I try desperatley to be, I can't help but feel like a minority in the bathroom stall of a southern truck stop. Those dangling words are so offensive and vulgar. Warning: the part of the story where something gets compared to the Nazi's; "The list", reads like Mein Kampf, but not as optomistic.

Suicide is Painless

Let me paint a scenario for you all that happened to me tonight, and unfortunatley happens to me often at my job as a bartender.
Two business guys belly up to an empty bar seperate from the dining room. The bar is dimly lit and a bartender is closing up for the night.
Guy 1: (to guy 2) DO you want to have one more for the ditch?
Guy 2: sure, what the hell?
Bartender: (rolls his eyes thinks in his head "can't you see we're fucking closed assholes") Can I get you guys a cocktail?
Guy 1: (to guy 2) Gary what are you drinking?
Guy 2: I don't know you order and I'll decide.
Bartender: (thinks "are you fucking serious, come on")
Guy 1: I'll have a Macallan neat.
Bartender: excellent choice sir, would you like the 12 year or the 18 year?
Guy 1: What's the difference?
Bartender: About ten dollars (and five years asshole).
Guy 1: I'll have the 12.
Guy 2: I'll do the same.
Time elapse of 30 minutes...The two men are talking about the most boring bullshit in the universe, total amount of beverage consumed approximately 2 sips.
Guy 1: (In reference to Bartender who is re cleaning everything a third in hopes to appear busy) We're probably keeping this poor guy.
Guy 2: I live in San Diego, if this bar was in San Diego it would be packed right now.
Bartender: You know our owners just opened a bar right across the street, it's more of a late night scene.
Guy 1: are you trying to get rid of us?
Bartender: (abso-fucking-lutley!) No I'm simply suggesting a more "lively" venue.
Guy 1 And Guy 2 talk for not kidding 1 and a half more hours, mind you they are the only two in the restaurant (besides the bartender). Their conversation is about interoffice relations between the two offices Midwest and western branches. The two men recommend women for hire based on the qualifications of "she's gorgeous" they also dabble into politics. They are beside themselves that a person of color is the President, but give him credit for his thus far speedy transition. The whole time the bartender is wondering how much time he would spend in prison if these two men were to disappear. Which reminds him he wants to see Sweeny Todd.
Guy 1: Do you want another drink?
Bartender: actually...
Guy 2: Yeah, but I'm not going to do the same thing. I'll have an Effen Vodka and Creme de Cassis.
Guy 1: I'll do the Scotch again.
Bartender (Would fry his computer if he typed the thoughts he was thinking at this point) Guys this is going to have to be the last one so drink them fast.
Guy1 and Guy 2 continue their meaningless conversation about their meaningless lives for another HOUR. Bartender is now trying hard to remember what his child 's face looks like. He wonders if his wife has remarried. He thinks this must be what John McCain felt like when he was a POW. He thinks about the show MASH and wonders what those guys are doing now that the war is over. Bartender takes notes on his own presidential campaign. It is exactly like Barack Obama's minus the eloquent speaking, an the qualifications, and the education.
Skip ahead to the end of the story...
The two men leave, Bartender drives home tired, confused, angry.
I know in this sordid economy I should be happy to have a job, and I am, but seriously these guys were oblivious assholes, and I hope they both got a DUI. That or gang raped by a Homosexual biker gang.
Good night.

Gary Busey, Mad Men, Withdrawls

So, Sunday without Mad Men, I must say there is a noticeable void in the evening programming. Not to worry though I did catch up on celebrity rehab. This show, and by show I mean Gary Busey (pictured right), is fantastic! Screw Adam Corolla, Dr Drew needs to team up with Busey and solve the world's problems. From addictions to "spirit-world seeing" there is really no limit to the possibilities. Thank you Mr Busey, Motorcycles, and drugs for helping me fill a void tonight.

Kick ass pumkins

Check out this kick ass pumpkin my freind Aaron Klassen carved.

To check out the rest of his pumpkins click here.

Aaron and his wife Michelle live in Brighton, MI with their two beautiful children Selah, and Jordon.